Saturday, February 28, 2004

Still coughing! Unreal. I still have the bronchitis! I have been using an albuterol inhaler daily now. Dr. T thinks I have asthma. It is productive in the morning, then just dry, hacking all day. The inhaler helps make it more productive, but I hate having to use it. I just don't like putting all the meds in my body. Better that than getting pneumonia though.

The baby is growing, and at my 35 week check I measured a week ahead. Her HB was fine, and she was moving all over. I had my GBS culture done, so will hear back on that next week. Hopefully it is negative. I was + for it after my first miscarriage, was treated, and have tested negative for it since then.

I also had trace glucose in my urine. That is a first. I did have lots of sweets that morning....Fruit Loops mid-morning for a snack and some Hot Tamales in the car while running errands prior to my appointment. Dr. T. just said to lay off the Fruit Loops and Hot Tamales! LOL! I go in again on March 4th.

The contractor showed up this week!!!! So, I now have some doors up on the front bedroom. He did such a beautiful job. The front bedroom opens up to the den via an archway, so he made some French doors that match the arched front door. On the other side of that room, there was a large square entry that opened up to the sun room, so he made some doors for that too. They look original to the house, and I love them! He also made some oak thresholds for all the doors where the oak floors meet the pine. Very pretty. It is so nice for that front room to have some privacy now!! I can start cleaning it up next week,and turn it into Mia's room! The contractor will finish up on Monday, then will be back the first of May to start on the sun room/playroom, which will be a big project.

Only 4 more full days and Quinn will be cast free! This will be a big relief, as he is tired of having a cast, and so am I. Bathing has been an ordeal each night, but we have a routine down now. All the rain we had last week was also a drag for him, as he could not go outside....or so we thought. Wednesday he couldn't stand it anymore, and decided to sneak out to play in a water puddle. Well, plaster and water make for a mess...add a bit of mud, and you have a really mad Mommy. I had to cut part of it off, and improvise a bit, but it is holding together, and I am hoping it continues to do so until his appointment on Wednesday. He is excited, because he will be able to ride his scooter again. I am excited for him, AND because I won't have to carry him everywhere anymore when it rains!

Bill is nesting. He has a list, and he is really cracking down on getting it finished before the baby comes. He has one more coat of trim paint to put on the back hallway and he put up some nice wood blinds in the den, living room and the boys room. Bill has also been rearranging things to make room for the baby and all her "stuff". It makes me tired just watching him. He has always been a man-in-motion, from triathlons to extreme sailing, mountain biking to dirt bikes and surfing.......getting me involved in it 100%. His enthusiasm is contagious. If something needs to be done, he does it.....I usually don't even have to ask. Clothes need washing??? Bill takes the stuff to the laundry room and gets it started for me. Floors dirty? He grabs a dust mop. If I forget something, he is sure to remember it. He rarely complains about anything and to be honest with myself, I think he pulls the majority of the load on any given day lately. Sometimes things build up and he vents....I have to laugh when I remember the last time that happened. It was in January, and I was very ill. Bill had been doing everything, and I mean everything. It came to a head one night around midnight when we heard Cody run down the hall to the bathroom, but he didn't quite make it to the toilet.......he threw up all over the floor and on the built-in cabinets in the bathroom. I got up and went to him, but I was so sick, and the thought crossed my mind that I would be in one big mess if I got the stomach flu on top of it all. So I called out to Bill and asked if he could clean it up. He jumped out of bed and said "You bet! How 'bout I lick the floors clean after!" That was his vent. Poor guy. I think he is ready to have his wife back! By no means is he perfect, but I sometimes wonder how I got so blessed to have him for a husband.

I only have 23 more days left in this pregnancy. I hope the days pass quickly. I have everything ready....I even have a hospital bag packed for Amelia. I just need to put one together for myself. Am I scared about the delivery? Yes. I have seen many a c-section, but it will be me that they are cutting on and I know all the things that can go wrong, rare as they are. But I know that God is with me and my family, and I just need to remember F.R.O.G................Fully Rely On God!

Saturday, February 14, 2004

This week was full of decision making! I had a routine appointment scheduled on Thursday, so at the beginning of the week Bill and I had a pow-wow and made some concrete plans about the birth.

As everyone knows, my past 3 births have been really stressful. Without going into detail, I can sum it up with the birth of our 3rd son, via VBAC. I had an epidural at around 7cm, and could not feel much at all. During late transition, my BP went down, and my sons heart rate fell drastically into the 60's and 70's, and was not recovering very well......not your typical decelerations for sure. They were prolonged, late, sickening drops in his HR that went on forever. We watched it for a bit, and I tried to push, and with each push, his HR dropped and stayed down. My doctor feared uterine rupture from the old c-section scar. I was prepped for an emergency c-section. I was flipped to my left side and I remember looking up at my husband and he was crying. It is hard to put into words how that made me feel. All I can say is, I don't want to put him through that again. Quinn was born spontaneously as they started to wheel me out to surgery. It was amazing and VERY overwhelming.

So, we have decided to schedule a c-section and get Amelia here safe and sound. The date is set for March 22nd. Having a date set, I can get my ducks in a row and make some plans. I want my best friend, who is a doctor, to be in the OR with us. She is an anesthesiologist, and will be there as my friend, unless her skills are needed with the baby or myself for intubations etc. Her husband is my doctor, so I will have two of the best there for the baby and I.

So much worry, many sleepless nights and prayer have gone into this decision. I have gone back and forth many times. My husband is a very intelligent, quiet, and gentle man, who keeps his opinion to himself for the most part. When he speaks up, 9 out of 10 times he is right. The other morning he spoke up, and I feel 100% that he is right. The risks of another VBAC out-weight the benefits this time. The stakes are too high, and all we want, all that matters, is a healthy mom and baby.

I feel like a 1000lb weight has been lifted off my back. I am sleeping again at night, and although major surgery scares me a bit too, I really feel at ease now.

So, I went to the doctor on Thursday, and we got out the calendar and picked a date that would be optimal for the baby and ensure for a good crew at the little hospital we will use.

Amelia is doing great. Her HR was fine, my fundal height was right on, my BP nice and low at 90/60, and it seems that the bronchitis, though still pretty bad, is clearing up finally. We also discussed who will be my backup physician while my doc is out of town during my 38th week. It was decided that an OB doc that I have seen before in Victoria will cover that time. If I do go into labor, we will have to drive about 50 miles to the hospital....blah. The good news about this is that it is a big hospital, so if I do go into labor, I might VBAC there. Unlike the little rural hospital I will be delivering in here, they have the means to handle an emergency if it arises. I went into labor with Quinn at 38 weeks, so, we will just have to see what happens. ;*)

So, if I don't go into labor before hand, it looks like March 22nd is the big day! I think I have everything ready here. I have all my supplies and such.....just need a baby now!

Only 37 more days left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Well, it has been an eventful week. My cough went way south last Thursday, and I had to start antibiotics and albuterol. I could hardly breathe. I was wheezing and unable to function. I continued to be very ill, and then Saturday morning woke up to an antibiotic reaction........same sort that I had with the first miscarriage. So, Bill ran to the clinic and got some benadryl and gave me a shot and as soon as Tim got to the clinic, I went in and he gave me a steroid shot. My panic level was pretty high. We think that the antibiotic reaction that I had with the first baby that I lost triggered my immune system to go into hyper-overdrive, which caused all 4, of course I freaked out when I woke up to swollen hands and urticaria. Not a very fun day. I have been on benadryl around the clock since then, and that seems to be keeping it under control, somewhat. The Benadryl totally gorks me out and I just want to sleep all the time, so I hope the reaction cools down soon. I still have the durn cough, but I think it is improving. At least I feel a bit better!

So, it seems that I am allergic to penicillin now. I have taken it many times before, without any problems, so what's up with that!?

As for Little Missy, she seems to have handled all of it without any problems. I had a Non-stress test done on Monday, and an US on Tuesday, and both showed a healthy baby and healthy placenta. Whew. She weighs about 4lbs 10oz now, so she is growing and putting on weight without a doubt!

As for me, mentally, I have been a total wreck. It was so stressful and brought back all the memories of the miscarriages. I was, and still am, worried about the baby. The longer the urticaria stays, the more I obsess. We are not even sure if the reaction I had when I was pregnant in 2/02 had anything to do with the miscarriages. The blood work I had indicated such, and I associate the rash with them, so that is enough to make me completely freaked out. She has the hiccups as I type this, which makes me smile, and realize that I am starting the mind games again! LOL!

Time to remind myself about having faith.

When I found out that I was pregnant, I remember being so sure that it would, again, fail. We had booked a week at the beach before we found out about the pregnancy, and that week fell in my 6th and 7th week of miscarriage time. We decided to go ahead and keep our plans, and I am so glad we did.

On our first day at the beach, I took Quinn for a walk while the older boys surfed with their Dad, and we tried to find a sand dollar. The waves came up on the beach pretty hard, so everything that we found was smashed to a pulp. I remember praying as I walked "Well, maybe if this pregnancy is meant to be, God, you will give me a sign and I will find a perfect sand dollar". I think I actually prayed it sort of flippantly, sort of "expect the impossible" mentality. We walked the beach every morning while we were there, and all we found were little, broken pieces of sand dollars.

The last full day that we were there, we decided to go to the beach in the evening because the surf was up. We were leaving in the morning, and the boys wanted to ride some waves one more time. While all the big boys went surfing, Quinn and I played in the sand and walked the beach picking up bits of shells. There was a small sand bar that was exposed in some shallow water by the out-going tide, so we waded out to it and looked for treasures. As soon as we started looking, I saw a round shape in the water. I reached down and picked it up. It was a perfect sand dollar.

When I married Bill, 13 years ago, his mother gave me a gold sand dollar charm. She told me that her MIL had given one to her for luck, when she married Bill's Dad, so she wanted me to have one too. I wear that sand dollar, on the same chain with my cross, to remind me of God's love and of His promises.

I have the sand dollar put away in a box up in my closet, and I will give it to Amelia one day and tell her the story of how it came to me.


There's a pretty little legend,
That I would like to tell
Of the birth and death of Jesus
Found in this lowly shell

If you examine closely,
You'll see that you find here
Four nail holes and a fifth one
Made by a Roman's Spear.

On one side the Easter Lily,
Its center is the star
That appeared unto the shepherds
And led them from afar.

The Christmas poinsettia
Etched on the other side
Reminds us of His birthday
Our Happy Christmastide.

Now break the center open,
And here you will release
The five white doves awaiting
To spread Good Will and Peace.

This simple little symbol,
Christ left for you and me
To help us spread his Gospel
Through all eternity.