It has been a long 2 years. I had my first miscarriage in February of 2002, and now will be giving birth to a little girl in one more day. It all seems so strange! Why the 4 miscarriages? Why did this baby make it? I know that I will never have the answers to those questions while I am alive......only God knows the reasons.

When I was grieving so badly after my 4th miscarriage, I remember asking what I had done to cause them, and my doctor quoted scripture to me. It was from my favorite book of the Bible..the Gospel of John. He quoted John 9:1-4:

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciple asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me......"

Dr. Tim said, "I think sometimes these things happen and from them we learn how to love more". Hearing these words was the beginning of my journey to healing. I knew that I had a choice.....I could turn my experience into bitterness and sorrow, wallowing in self pity, or I could take what had happened and Glorify God and Christ in my life. I would like to believe that over time, I succeeded in the second option.....I know I reverted to the self pity from time to time, but eventually God's glory came through.

I have since given several talks and shared my story with other believers, who I hope were able to take God's message and turn their own pain over to Him.

So, yes, it has been a rough, long 2 years....but I wouldn't trade it for anything. A friend summed it up best for me.....she said, "Jody, I know it has been so painful and hard. But, you helped create four souls in Heaven praising God....that CANNOT be a bad thing!"

No, it certainly is not!

Had a VERY eventful night of contractions. They were so strong, painful and made me feel a bit sick. I got the shakes and that hyper-excited feeling that I have had with the other three kids. I was up most of the night, but they slacked off around 9 this morning. Still having them frequently, but not as intense as last night. We had gone to the little zoo south of here yesterday, so I was up walking most of the day with the 3 boys, so that could have prompted it. Ugh! I wish the ctx would quit teasing me like that!!

Also, my doctor is back in town! I am so happy about that. My MIL will be here Sunday morning to help with the kids. Seems everything is falling into place, and all the worry and obsessing were, once again, non-productive and for nothing.

Only 2 more days!! It all seems so surreal right now.

Still here. Not much new to report. The ctx calmed down on Monday and Tuesday, and kicked back in today. They are about the same, but not regular in the least.

I am having trouble sleeping. I wake up very restless....sort of a hyper feeling...and can't get back to sleep for several hours. I tried a bit of Sprite last night, and it seemed to have helped, so I was thinking I might be getting a bit hypoglycemic in the night....at least that is how it feels. I have been having cereal for dinner (anything else gives me painful heartburn at night), and I think it is just too much carbs and not enough protein. Will try something different tonight and see what happens. I really could use some restful sleep.

My doc will be back Friday morning, so I only have to hang tight for one more day! Have been drinking plenty of fluids, and resting. Tomorrow I will take the kids to our little zoo for the morning and do some last minute, LIGHT, shopping.

Only 4 more days, 12 hours until Mia is here!!!

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.....................................

8..........more...........days......................


Contracting pretty good this morning. Nothing regular, but they are there and stronger than BH. Also had another run of morning sickness. Ick.

This is going to be one loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong week.

Well, at least I had one good nights sleep. Last night was pretty bad. I had mild-moderate contractions all night long, about 5-7 minutes apart. I was basically up all night with cat naps here and there. I feel really drained today, so I hope sleep will come for me tonight.

I had my appointment this morning, and I am 25% effaced, 1cm dilated and she is still high, high, high. My belly measured 38, and he is estimating she will be around 8lbs by delivery. He leaves town on Saturday, so he told me to take it easy this week and drink lots of fluids. He will be back by next Friday. A wonderful OB doc will be covering me for him next week, so glad to have that ironed out.

Only 11 more days to go!!

Sleep actually found me last night!!!! I feel so great today. I only had to get up once in the night to use the bathroom, and if I had any contractions, I sure didn't notice them! I can't explain how great it feels to be rested!! I feel like I have my second wind!

Things are really quiet on the contraction front today, too. Just an occasional BH, but nothing else. I really hydrated myself yesterday, and will be vigilant with it today too. Mia is moving so much, and I can feel her foot on my right side every time she pushes out. I can't wait to hold that little foot in my hands!

Tomorrow I have another OB appointment and will find out if I progressed any further or not. I will also get all the information I need to contact the doctor that is covering for me next week.

I am kid-less today! It feels so weird! Bill took the day off so he could run Quinn to his ortho appointment in the city, which leaves me with a silent house. Lunch out is the plan..............beef noodle bowl sounds really good to me! Then for some low key nesting, such as packing my hospital bag and wrapping up any other loose ends around the house.

Can't help but wonder if this is the lull before the storm?

Nobody shot me, things didn't calm down and I ended up in labor and delivery late yesterday evening. I was just feeling "off".......menstrual cramping and hard contractions that were sporadic. Lots of pelvic discomfort too. I called the clinic around 3:30, and Tim told me to go on into L&D so they could monitor the baby too. So, with all 3 kiddos, I loaded up and went on to the hospital. Bill met me there shortly after they checked me in.

They hooked me up to the monitors, and I was contracting about every 10 minutes. The nurse checked me, and I was 1cm, 10% effaced, and the baby was high at -3 or above. So, it seems the contractions are not making my cervix change much.

Dr. Tim came in and said if I go into labor at this point, he will let me, as I am 37 weeks by the end of today. I wanted to go home, so he said that would be fine. The contractions continued throughout the night, and I am still having a few today, but nothing regular. So, things could progress any day now.

I did end up nesting big time on Sunday, as the beach idea got squashed. I cleaned out all the bathroom cabinets and drawers, emptied the hall linen closet and re-folded everything, cleaned out all the medicine boxes and trashed all expired meds, emptied the front bedroom closet and moved all of oldest DS's clothes into the middle bedroom, cleaned middle bedroom closet to make room for DS's stuff, got DH to haul all the clothing containers down from the attic (about 7 huge containers) and organized all the kids out-grown clothes by size and had DH take them out to the garage to await pick-up by my brother (they are having a baby boy due a week after me)...........and by the time dinner rolled around, I was so tired I was in tears. No wonder I was in L& D the next day!

I guess we are at the "any day now" point. I am so ready.......just praying Miss Mia is ready too!

Okay, so, alright already! Can I actually GET any bigger? I have officially hit the wall with being pregnant. I was so uncomfortable and frustrated yesterday and was crying at the drop of a hat......no reason in particular, but a combination of stuff..........such as:

I found out my mother can't come for the delivery because they started the repairs on her house (the roof and front porch have been completely torn off and are being rebuilt.......no big deal), and she has to be there to supervise it all. Not to mention at my OB appointment on the 4th I was a fingertip dilated, and my doctor said that if I progress and dilate further and such at my visit on the 11th, we may have to move the c/s up to the 12th. What??!!! So I call to tell my MIL, who is coming to help with the kids, and she informs me that the closing on the sale of their house has been moved up to the 12th, and she will be moving that weekend. I informed her that the babies closing might be moved up to the 12th also. On top of THAT, I was having some wicked contractions yesterday and it is still going on this morning. I am also tearing the house apart and cleaning everything. The inside of drawers, the closets, no stone will remain un-turned today. I am just a couple days shy of being 37 weeks, so all this is coming right on schedule. I seem to go into labor a bit earlier with each baby, so if the trend continues, it will be this week or early next week. Fine with me!!

Hormones raging, my plan was to attack the house and scour it clean, but DH just called from church and wants to take a day trip to the beach with the kids. Ummm.....hello!! Have you noticed I am as big as a house????????????? Not sure a 1 1/2 hour car trip each way would be very keen at this point. Urgh! Clueless!

Whadda ya do?

UPDATE: Just got a call that the lady who watches my son, and who I was hoping could help on c/s day, will not be coming home from visiting her son for a while..........probably a couple more weeks. Wow, isn't that great? Just shoot me.